One Random Thought, Two People...

Yesterday started out random, but progressed in a freaky way. Since morning, I was haunted by thoughts of 'kids' and somehow, I guess it probably is yesterday's theme. How freaky can it be when two different people from two different parts of the world are thinking of the same random thing like 'having a kid' at the same time? Ok, here's what actually happened - I was thinking of "what ifs" and the possibility of me being a mommy to a kid with 'Bujang Bajik' as the father, and low and behold the image was somehow created and I could actually see the imagination coming to life in front of my widely opened eyes.

The next day, I checked out my twitter account and found out that 'Bujang Bulak' mentioned something random that his brother 'Bujang Bajik' said - he wants a kid, "Hell no!" Bujang Bulak said. LOL!! Okay, now it kinda made my day knowing that the world still works in mysterious ways... But I DO WISH that someday... Hehehe... WE could meet... Someday.

Wah... I know this person lies, but why does my heart still have that little shred of believe?

Random thoughts...

I couldn't sleep last night. Somehow, my brain was working overtime with images that I shouldn't conjure, yet still I did. It replayed itself on loop automatically, and I did not sleep soundly as a result. Only when day breaks did I sleep and dreamed for a while. Signs that I'm sleeping is when I realize that I'm dreaming. Somehow, I can never remember what I dream about the night before.

I was watching a documentary yesterday afternoon about paranormal activities and how paranormal activities relates with different dimensions spread out in different times. Zzz... I can't explain it as well as the people who were doing the show, but should different dimensions exist, I wonder if ourselves in those different dimensions are similar to ourselves or are they different? And should one of 'us' dies in a different dimension, does it affect our present self? Will it create a ripple effect? I guess I shouldn't worry about this since I have never met any of 'myself' from a different dimension and probably never wanted to. What if they're evil like in the story "The One" with Jet Li in it?

Anyways, I'm trying to suppress what I'm feeling inside me now. The frustrations, the fears, the doubts, and not to mention the disappointment that I was dealt in the last two weeks or so. Everything's all better now both at home and in my private life. I'm trying hard not to think about certain things and focusing on the possibilities that it might hurt me so I will be ready for it when the bombshell drops on me. I guess I've always been expecting things to disappoint me so it won't hurt as bad.

Tried to play my flute after neglecting it for nearly 3 years O.O and found out that I forgot my embouchure. Zzz... Looks like I will have to re-learn it. Hopefully I can pick it up once more and play some tunes on it. I really need to occupy my mind and think less of "the twins". 

I might already have chords in mind for "Comet In My Sky" (^.^)

Original writing to "Comet In My Sky"

This is how "Comet In My Sky" began - it was originally written in my journal. Here are the word for word from the text:

Like a comet in the great sky, you pass by, lighting up my night with your presence. Even the stars stop to watch as you overshadow them with your brilliance. What a mere mortal like me could do is only see you from afar and delight in your coming. Never be able to touch and feel you. However human you state you are, you will never be JUST mere mortal to me. Partly immortalized, you are idolized by millions throughout the night. A star in your own right, never an ordinary star - and not just a shooting star. Love, you could never find from the one who sees you as who you really are. Shadow of doubts hangs like a cloud. Like a meteor falling down to Earth, it is a million to one when you finally finds a person to fall on. "Bagai bulan jatuh ke riba."

And the more macabre picture in a poem:

Meteor showers in the night

I stood alone in the empty fields

Raining me with light

I don't care if I die tonight

Here it's just me and the stars

Nobody else, just darkness and meteors

Somehow it gave me comfort

Holding me in its embrace

I can't feel myself tonight

I lost all my will to feel

Silent starry eyes watch my plight

On my wrist a thin blade of steel

You are the love I could never find

Never could have, never to hold

Like a comet brilliant in the night

The stars itself it overshadowed

I'm just a mere mortal

Looking up into the sky

I found you, now I'm a fool

For falling in love with a jewel

You are a star in your own right

Not just a star nor a shooting star

You are a comet encircling my universe

Teasing me with untouchable presence

Here, now in the dark fields

Silent tears and silent screams

I bid farewell to the stars

Bid them to watch over you wherever you are

For my arms will never reach you

Never could feel you

Never could know you

Never protect you

My final wish tonight

When this world fades from my sight

May I be turned to light

And be a star at night

This way I could be with you

Forever watching over you

Guiding you

And keep you...

Comet In My Sky

Okay, here's another lyric inspired by the word "Comet" as per discussed in our chats. Had real trouble trying to use whatever things I feel about nights and comets - seriously, never seen one - A-HAH! This is what I came up after hours of scribbling and doodling on paper -

~ Comet In My Sky ~ lyrics by RaQueLa M.

You don't know who I am

One among a thousand fans

Admiration from afar

Idolizing who you are

Fascinated and fixated

By the self you created

Chorus:

You're a comet in my sky

Lighting my world in the night

Briefly you pass me by

You're the apple of my eye

A brilliant comet passing by

A thousand miles away

You seem light years ahead

Unreasonable longing

Unbearable suffering

I exist in nothingness

Wandering through darkness

Chorus:

You're a comet in my sky

Lighting my world in the night

Briefly you pass me by

You're the apple of my eye

A brilliant comet passing by

You are inspiration

I owe it all to you

My own personal star

Shining so bright

Lighting the darkest night

My comet in the sky

- copyrighted -

Of Dreams and Meeting the "Angkasawan"

Hehehe... Yesterday have got to be the most interesting day I've ever had this month. I was feeling rather "high" on happiness because it started out with my sis telling me she had a dream the night before which she had been dying to tell me. In her dream, she saw TH coming to Cat City for a visit and that I in the dream got so excited, dragged my sister along where they will be at The Waterfront. It looked like a handicraft festival, because there were stalls along the walkway, and my sis told me that Bill was there, talking as usual to the cameraman followed by their ever loyal groupies. In her dream, the groupies weren't screaming out like the usual fans they encounter in other parts of the world. Anyways, the fans here are cool. Many people, but not screaming like hell. He was taking a look at all the beaded section and according to my sis, we were there, standing at a close distance. The best part of it all is - no bodyguards! Hahaha! And then, Bill came from behind me and my sister, puts both his hands on our shoulders (almost like a hug) and asked us, "So, what do you think of these, girls?" and gave our shoulders a squeeze. XD My sis was saying "Eeeeww" on the inside, but she says I was acting giddy like a schoolgirl :p 

That - certainly got my mood raised despite knowing that my boss would be back in the office that day. Sorry, I know this is lame, but I can't get to meet all these people that I admire in my own dreams, the closest thing to having them in mine would be for others to have them for me.

Afternoon seem to come pretty fast - by the time I left, it was 2pm and I rushed to the bank for an errand then got home as quick as I can before heading to where my sis is working for a late lunch. I spent lunch alone, sitting in a corner writing down newer lyrics into my journal that comes into my head while people watching. After that, I went to the bookstore and got myself a copy of "Basic Accounting" textbook - not much of a choice read, but a must I'm afraid. The autograph signing was scheduled to be at 5 - 6pm in front of MPH Bookstore, but they had to shift the venue to the upper floor quad because opposite the bookstore is a lingerie store. Lol. XD

I had to wait for another hour before my sis finished work at 530pm, so I went all over the mall looking at outfits to mix and match. By the time it was 530pm, I got a bad cramp on my right foot. Ouch! And I wasn't even wearing heels. :( We met friends while waiting for our turn to take an autograph with the Angkasawan, and I'm surprised that the queue at Sushi King was waaaaay longer than the queue to take pictures and autograph with the Angkasawan himself. Poor man. I guess food is more favorable compared to an astronaut. Hee!

Oh, I wasn't expecting to exchange more than just a "Hi, could you sign my journal for me" with him, but here's the transcript of our short convo:

Me: Hi, could you sign my journal for me?

Dr. Sheikh: What's your name?

Me: Rachel - R-A-C-H-E-L

Dr. Sheikh: What do you do Rachel? (as he was signing)

Me: I'm an admin clerk, but I graduate in Music

Dr. Sheikh: Really? And when did you study in U.K?

Me: ? I didn't study in the U.K., I actually went to Australia to study :)

Dr. Sheikh: Then where did you get the U.K slang from? Or is it an Australian slang?

Me: ??!! No, I don't have a slang. It's my own (*grins, takes the journal from him) Can I take a picture with you?

Dr. Sheikh: Sure.

And that's how I got his autograph and picture to grace this blog and not to mention my journal. ;-)

Here's what he wrote in my journal ;-)

And here it is - with the man himself :-)

~ Shadow Lover ~ by RaQueLa M.

I lay restless on my bed

Thoughts of you are in my head

Where are you now

Watcha doin' now

And I can't stop myself somehow

I need your attention

And please don't mention

Or make a suggestion 

For this to end

Because

I'm a shadow lover in love

Forever chasing your shadow

How far will I let this go

Obsession and pain

I lost all my senses

In love with your shadow

I'm a shadow lover

I can't believe it

The day we met

Seem somehow fated

Won't fade to black

I still can't believe it

You're still stuck in my mind

I'm not lettin' go of you this time

I need your attention

And please don't mention

Or make a suggestion

For this to end

Because

I'm a shadow lover in love

Forever chasing your shadow

How far will I let this go

Obsession and pain

I lost all my senses

In love with your shadow

I'm a shadow lover

You see

I fell for you who's on tv

Knowing it could never be

I wanna be a part of you

I need you to be a part of me

It's hard for me lettin' go

Because

I'm a shadow lover in love

Forever chasing your shadow

How far will I let this go

Obsession and pain

I lost all my senses

In love with your shadow

I'm a shadow lover

When I reach out for you
I touch only glass
Imagining how touching you
Would feel like
So I created a world out of shadows

The world of black and white

Where two shadows collide

Joined in flight

Two shadow lovers

Dissolving into ashes

Shadow lover...

-copyrighted-

I'm Only Human

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