Original writing to "Comet In My Sky"

This is how "Comet In My Sky" began - it was originally written in my journal. Here are the word for word from the text:

Like a comet in the great sky, you pass by, lighting up my night with your presence. Even the stars stop to watch as you overshadow them with your brilliance. What a mere mortal like me could do is only see you from afar and delight in your coming. Never be able to touch and feel you. However human you state you are, you will never be JUST mere mortal to me. Partly immortalized, you are idolized by millions throughout the night. A star in your own right, never an ordinary star - and not just a shooting star. Love, you could never find from the one who sees you as who you really are. Shadow of doubts hangs like a cloud. Like a meteor falling down to Earth, it is a million to one when you finally finds a person to fall on. "Bagai bulan jatuh ke riba."

And the more macabre picture in a poem:

Meteor showers in the night

I stood alone in the empty fields

Raining me with light

I don't care if I die tonight

Here it's just me and the stars

Nobody else, just darkness and meteors

Somehow it gave me comfort

Holding me in its embrace

I can't feel myself tonight

I lost all my will to feel

Silent starry eyes watch my plight

On my wrist a thin blade of steel

You are the love I could never find

Never could have, never to hold

Like a comet brilliant in the night

The stars itself it overshadowed

I'm just a mere mortal

Looking up into the sky

I found you, now I'm a fool

For falling in love with a jewel

You are a star in your own right

Not just a star nor a shooting star

You are a comet encircling my universe

Teasing me with untouchable presence

Here, now in the dark fields

Silent tears and silent screams

I bid farewell to the stars

Bid them to watch over you wherever you are

For my arms will never reach you

Never could feel you

Never could know you

Never protect you

My final wish tonight

When this world fades from my sight

May I be turned to light

And be a star at night

This way I could be with you

Forever watching over you

Guiding you

And keep you...

Frustrations

My first impression sucks. I may look like a heartless and snobby bitch to others on the outside, but overall, I'm still just a girl. A girl who has feelings for the world around her when it hits a weak spot. In truth, I'm scared of the world out there. Daddy's girl? Hardly, but he tries to shield his girls as best as he can.

Everyday now, as I went to work sending my dad to his office in the morning, he has been drumming into my head about being a supportive and understanding "wife" to my "future husband". Yesterday morning, he actually talked about his feelings on his sister marrying a younger man half her age. That was really frustrating - I know that the marriage won't last, I've told my aunt before when she was asking for my opinion, but if she doesn't want to take my advice on it, it's her decision to make. Dad mentioned that even if it were his siblings, if they're not acting correctly, he'll voice out what he thinks to "check and balance" his family. Then he moved directly to the dreaded topic - M-A-R-R-I-A-G-E. I was already on automatic snooze when he said the word "marry", but it hits a sensitive topic when he mentioned "Don't marry a younger man, just to score points." I'm like !!!!!!

Where did he get the notion that I'll marry a younger guy? FYI dad - I'm not dating anyone, nor have I ever been out with anyone before because of You and Mom! I respect the rules you implemented on me for the past 15 years where You said "No dating with boys when you're in school while you're under my roof." Guess what - You win! I'm on the losing end - both socially, and mentally. I can't win if You start comparing me with my cousins like you always do since I'm young. Why me? Why did you have to compare me with them? Why not the youngest? Why not your boy? And why is it only NOW that You're talking to me? For the past 3 years, I can't even talk to You without having to mention Your Boy's name in the conversation for You to answer me back with actual interest to the conversation. That's when I said FORGET IT. I actually gave up on SPEAKING to You ever since.

Now that You're speaking to me, I don't think I want to listen. I can't take back what I lost in life - TIME. Tell me if losing your youth is not worth crying over.