Spontaneity Rulesz!!

Staring out onto blank sheets of paper. I can see the words forming, but I can't seem to reach that jar of inspiration. I have tunes coming out spontaneously out of my mouth, but now I can't remember any of it. I need to record myself... Only problem is, when I have a recorder sitting in front of me, I just don't have that spontaneity. GRRRRRRrrrr!!!

Dinner at Basaga...

Last night, had dinner with my family - mom, dad, my sister and myself - at Basaga, celebrating my sister's 20th birthday. It's this really WOW place in the middle of town - an old colonial like house converted into a restaurant. Great for private family dinners, hanging out with friends for a cocktail drink or just a romantic dinner for two under the canopy of shady trees and the stars (IF it doesn't rain of course). Music was a bit off for my mood as they had on Latin American music on. I resorted to correcting that by listening to my own music on my mp3 player - Kau Ilhamku by Man Bai, Belaian Jiwa by Innuendo and some other soothing music sounded really great in that setting.

We sat in the corner, on a raised platform where the koi pond runs beneath us. Bad choice of wearing heels as my heels constantly gets itself stuck in between the cracks. Yikes!! 

Food was great! I noticed that they have quite a selection of cocktail drinks, and ONE of the drink made me and my sister giggle - I bet dad knows what we're giggling at. Since we agreed not to get tipsy tonight, my sis had a Coke while I chose the not-so-famous Sprite. Mom ordered the same drinks, while dad had his Green Tea. Zzz... For dinner, dad chose to have steak while sis ordered her usual Lamb chops. Mom had an assortment of sausages with fries on the side. I just ordered something plain and simple - Spaghetti Carbonara - YUM!!!!!!! Somehow, I just had to have pasta last night for dinner.

I was just lost during dinner - not there at Basaga, but a thousand miles away it seems. There were no conversations at the table, just me and music plugged in my ears. When someone asks me a question, I would have to pull my earpiece out just to make out what they were asking or saying. Other than that, I'd rather not notice. I wasn't feeling resentful towards anything or anyone, but I just needed to be alone in my own world for a while. 

These past few days, I've been adopting a lot of 'Bujang Bajik's' characteristics which I have never done before. Not on purpose, but subconsciously. Most of his likes, dislikes and clumsiness. On that note, I've been bruised multiple times as I knocked myself accidentally on walls, or my desk. It's making me clumsy, and I'm usually graceful when it comes to carrying myself in public - something that I've been working at hard for years now. Zzzz...

One Random Thought, Two People...

Yesterday started out random, but progressed in a freaky way. Since morning, I was haunted by thoughts of 'kids' and somehow, I guess it probably is yesterday's theme. How freaky can it be when two different people from two different parts of the world are thinking of the same random thing like 'having a kid' at the same time? Ok, here's what actually happened - I was thinking of "what ifs" and the possibility of me being a mommy to a kid with 'Bujang Bajik' as the father, and low and behold the image was somehow created and I could actually see the imagination coming to life in front of my widely opened eyes.

The next day, I checked out my twitter account and found out that 'Bujang Bulak' mentioned something random that his brother 'Bujang Bajik' said - he wants a kid, "Hell no!" Bujang Bulak said. LOL!! Okay, now it kinda made my day knowing that the world still works in mysterious ways... But I DO WISH that someday... Hehehe... WE could meet... Someday.

Wah... I know this person lies, but why does my heart still have that little shred of believe?

Random thoughts...

I couldn't sleep last night. Somehow, my brain was working overtime with images that I shouldn't conjure, yet still I did. It replayed itself on loop automatically, and I did not sleep soundly as a result. Only when day breaks did I sleep and dreamed for a while. Signs that I'm sleeping is when I realize that I'm dreaming. Somehow, I can never remember what I dream about the night before.

I was watching a documentary yesterday afternoon about paranormal activities and how paranormal activities relates with different dimensions spread out in different times. Zzz... I can't explain it as well as the people who were doing the show, but should different dimensions exist, I wonder if ourselves in those different dimensions are similar to ourselves or are they different? And should one of 'us' dies in a different dimension, does it affect our present self? Will it create a ripple effect? I guess I shouldn't worry about this since I have never met any of 'myself' from a different dimension and probably never wanted to. What if they're evil like in the story "The One" with Jet Li in it?

Anyways, I'm trying to suppress what I'm feeling inside me now. The frustrations, the fears, the doubts, and not to mention the disappointment that I was dealt in the last two weeks or so. Everything's all better now both at home and in my private life. I'm trying hard not to think about certain things and focusing on the possibilities that it might hurt me so I will be ready for it when the bombshell drops on me. I guess I've always been expecting things to disappoint me so it won't hurt as bad.

Tried to play my flute after neglecting it for nearly 3 years O.O and found out that I forgot my embouchure. Zzz... Looks like I will have to re-learn it. Hopefully I can pick it up once more and play some tunes on it. I really need to occupy my mind and think less of "the twins". 

I might already have chords in mind for "Comet In My Sky" (^.^)

Original writing to "Comet In My Sky"

This is how "Comet In My Sky" began - it was originally written in my journal. Here are the word for word from the text:

Like a comet in the great sky, you pass by, lighting up my night with your presence. Even the stars stop to watch as you overshadow them with your brilliance. What a mere mortal like me could do is only see you from afar and delight in your coming. Never be able to touch and feel you. However human you state you are, you will never be JUST mere mortal to me. Partly immortalized, you are idolized by millions throughout the night. A star in your own right, never an ordinary star - and not just a shooting star. Love, you could never find from the one who sees you as who you really are. Shadow of doubts hangs like a cloud. Like a meteor falling down to Earth, it is a million to one when you finally finds a person to fall on. "Bagai bulan jatuh ke riba."

And the more macabre picture in a poem:

Meteor showers in the night

I stood alone in the empty fields

Raining me with light

I don't care if I die tonight

Here it's just me and the stars

Nobody else, just darkness and meteors

Somehow it gave me comfort

Holding me in its embrace

I can't feel myself tonight

I lost all my will to feel

Silent starry eyes watch my plight

On my wrist a thin blade of steel

You are the love I could never find

Never could have, never to hold

Like a comet brilliant in the night

The stars itself it overshadowed

I'm just a mere mortal

Looking up into the sky

I found you, now I'm a fool

For falling in love with a jewel

You are a star in your own right

Not just a star nor a shooting star

You are a comet encircling my universe

Teasing me with untouchable presence

Here, now in the dark fields

Silent tears and silent screams

I bid farewell to the stars

Bid them to watch over you wherever you are

For my arms will never reach you

Never could feel you

Never could know you

Never protect you

My final wish tonight

When this world fades from my sight

May I be turned to light

And be a star at night

This way I could be with you

Forever watching over you

Guiding you

And keep you...

Comet In My Sky

Okay, here's another lyric inspired by the word "Comet" as per discussed in our chats. Had real trouble trying to use whatever things I feel about nights and comets - seriously, never seen one - A-HAH! This is what I came up after hours of scribbling and doodling on paper -

~ Comet In My Sky ~ lyrics by RaQueLa M.

You don't know who I am

One among a thousand fans

Admiration from afar

Idolizing who you are

Fascinated and fixated

By the self you created

Chorus:

You're a comet in my sky

Lighting my world in the night

Briefly you pass me by

You're the apple of my eye

A brilliant comet passing by

A thousand miles away

You seem light years ahead

Unreasonable longing

Unbearable suffering

I exist in nothingness

Wandering through darkness

Chorus:

You're a comet in my sky

Lighting my world in the night

Briefly you pass me by

You're the apple of my eye

A brilliant comet passing by

You are inspiration

I owe it all to you

My own personal star

Shining so bright

Lighting the darkest night

My comet in the sky

- copyrighted -