If Walls Could Keep Secrets...

Tossing and turning in bed, I'm eluded by slumber. It's now past midnight, I'm yawning yet my eyes are wide open. Heart racing, I pushed my blanket aside. The room is cold, yet I feel warm and tingly all over as I mulled over my decision.

I wanted so badly to tell him that I love him. I always have, and always will be in love with the idea of him. He's always been the one in my mind even though there have been others that strayed into my life. In the end, I still chose him over the others. 

Why do I feel this way whenever his birthday approaches? It's funny how I've abandoned the others but I still retain him in my heart in hopes that he would one day search for me. Pitiful of me, I know. I still hope for that dream to come true.

Will it? After I let slip away one possibility of a lifetime who could've been a potential boyfriend, will he come by? I've been haunted daily by the number of his license plate it's driving me to sheer madness driving around town knowing he would be lurking somewhere in the city. Yet, that feeling makes it all the more exciting with the possibility of meeting by chance. Oh, the racing pulse, sweaty palms, tongue tied, and butterflies in your stomach... I can't think when he's around me, and he knows it. Just that he's blind to notice the signs that I have a giddy crush on him.

Ten years worth of secret, three years of hiding it, a year of dreaming and two years of waiting.

Finally, I rested my head on my pillow and slumbered on as I made my decision.........

Gone, Baby Gone...

My one and only chance at love has probably gone out the window the moment I said he's not a special boyfriend. I felt guilty ever since I said that to Nick. We can not be more than friends because I don't want to hurt anyone in the process all over again. Now that I've come to think of it, he could have had special feelings for me then. I was torn between my feelings and my pride.

The Forgotten Years...

I can't believe it myself. It had been the worst year of my childhood life and the same goes to my other classmates as well. I was 9 years old, just in Primary 3 when she became my class teacher as well as my Maths, Moral and English teacher. These four periods during class were the most stressful among all the other period throughout the school year. In the beginning, I was happy to have a different teacher to teach my class. It meant that I'm going to learn some grown-up materials in my math classes - no more additions, subtractions and multiplications which had become boring, but, to learn something called DIVISIONS. I'd always loved numbers as a child and have always loved to learn something new. The anticipation of lying in wait to learn new skills made me salivate just at the very thought of it. I've always made the senior girls in school my hero for being knowledgeable - they were top in their class, received numerous prizes, and lots more. She was a Chinese who converted to Muslim, petite and slim. There was no trace of her being stern or ill tempered. Her daughters go to the same school and the eldest is my age.

The first few months was smooth like a breeze. Occasionally she would lose her temper, but then, it was understood. Who wouldn't lose their temper when the classroom has 36 little imps running around making mischief? It was one scene during Math lesson with her when things turned ugly. We were doing divisions and was told by her to show the answers on the board as usual to save her time from marking all our workbooks. This poor classmate of mine was a slow learner, and had gotten her answers wrong. Somehow, I didn't know what went wrong - usually she will point out why the answer is wrong and what we must do to find the correct answer - the teacher scolded my classmate in front of the whole class and hit her on her head with a blackboard duster which was full of chalkdust several times as she went on scolding her. The poor girl was teary eyed but could do nothing. Crying in front of the whole class would only lead to more punishments from the teacher and would just add to her humiliations. That was the beginning of the torment.

Along the way, the teacher whom we now nicknamed "The Tigress" would pick on the slowest students in the class, starting on that poor classmate of mine named Ummi. We would hold our breaths when she selects her victims. Naturally, the smart students always gets away with it. Smart students are always trying to suck up to her just to be the teacher's pet. Unfortunately, she doesn't play favorites which is fair except for those students whom the school considered as their national treasure. Another one of her moments came to mind when I chanced upon a former classmate of mine recently.

She was my buddy. One of the slow learners in class. It was during Moral class when she humiliated my friend. The topic of the day had been the importance of personal hygiene. She said to the whole class that plaque would normally stick to the enamel of the teeth if it hadn't been brushed properly. My friend was called to the front together with another classmate. Both girls were told to scratch their teeth with their fingernails to see if there were any deposits on their teeth. Unfortunately for my friend, she got picked on by the teacher because she was a chubby kid. The teacher said she could see that my friend did not brush her teeth properly. My friend denied that there were any deposits on her fingernails only to be replied by the teacher that she couldn't see any deposits because her fingernails are long. That period of class happens to be right after recess! It took me a long while to realize that the teacher was just venting out her frustrations onto her students.

One day, after another gruelling class with her at the end of our second semester in Primary 3, I spied another teacher whom was known to be the strictest disciplinarian in school entering our classroom. The disciplinarian did not come to lecture on us for misbehaving, instead, I saw the disciplinarian talking to our class teacher The Tigress. All the other children were minding their own business while I kept watch as the two teachers were deep in discussion. Slowly, I noticed our class teacher shedding her tears as the disciplinary teacher talked to her. I did not understand what they were saying, but I do know one thing - our class teacher might have grown up problems of her own outside the school. For the first time, I saw my teacher as a whole different person. A human being with feelings.

Years went by before the truth finally came out about the former class teacher of mine. It so happened that my best friend in high school were best friends with my former teacher's eldest daughter. It was only 2 years after leaving high school when I found out that the teacher had filed for divorce from her husband. Only then did I know why she had acted mean towards our class that year. That was the year she found out her husband had been cheating on her with another woman and she vented out her anger towards us.

I remember her punishments well. I even graded them according to the severeness of the punishment. Knocking on the head with chalk filled blackboard duster was given an A grade. Ear pulling was given a B, because it was next in pain. C was given to the famous caning with the bamboo end of the feather duster. D was when she hit you with the feather duster on the dusting end because it wasn't really painful. Til now I'll be laughing to myself when I remembered the graded punishment system. I guess during those times she just hit us with whatever she could get her hands on. Now that I've talked about it, it made her seem like an abusive person when in reality it had been her present circumstances which turned her into a "monster". Sadly to say, after her as my Math teacher I totally lost my interest in Math. And I've developed a fear towards teachers with tempers all the way through high school being the shy and timid individual whom everyone knows this day...

Hiring and Firing...

Who's to say you're fired or hired when all these while your employer hasn't really made the decision? The third party who is not involved in this matter should not prick one's temper by making presumptions about who's going to fill in your place.

It's now been 10months since his license had expired and no letter had arrived informing him that his services had been terminated and would not be renewed. The point is, why is there nothing done to clarify the situation? Why has it taken 10months for him to wait and work without pay? Why come up with the subject in the first place if not to rub it in your face? For all we know, it was the third party who has been putting in "a good word" about him to the employer out of spite just because of personal reasons. It's sick in politics...

Dilemma Solved...

The ugly duckling headed home to wait for the robin to fetch her to go out. All through the afternoon her mind is swimming with plans - backup plans lest things go wrong. In the evening,the ugly duckling arrived home with the cygnet feeling tired after having a full day out in the scorching afternoon heat. Still the ugly duckling felt restless - she hasn't done her chores and she also wanted to clean the car which was badly in need of washing.

Suddenly, her mobile rang. She couldn't answer the phone on the first ring. On the second time her mobile rang, she picked it up. The golden child was on the line. Regarding the matriarch's ticket and arrangement.Apparently,there would be a slight change of plans. The golden child says she will pick up the ticket since she will be out foraging for nectar and dewdrops for supper.

The ugly duckling feels lucky that things ended happy. Grandma won't have to stay at the ugly duckling's place because Papa Bear will send her to the airport. All's well with everything, and the ugly duckling and the cygnet had a restful evening...

THE END...

Homesick Part 2...

Homesick...Cont.-

As she stepped out of the car,the ugly duckling hoped that the ticketing counter would be open today. The security guard greeted her as she walked up the steps, assuring her that the counters are already open. With confident strides she entered the building. A pretty good feeling washed over her as she stepped into the empty foyer. The ugly duckling was called to the counter straightaway. To her luck, she managed to get the plane ticket for grandma to fly back to the land of Home-Sweet-Home!

It's going to be a great day ahead, the ugly duckling said to herself as she drove home. She texted the golden child informing the success in obtaining a ticket for the matriarch and received a reply. The golden child is busy today taking care of the naughty little pixies in her nursery and would need the ticket to be sent to the Far-Off Palace. The ugly duckling is now stuck in a dilemma. She is now at Grandma Badger Hen's place where she needs to drive Grandpa Badger to get a spare part for his grasscutter. The ugly duckling has plans with her friend the robin to go out for lunch and to fetch the cygnet before going to the vet's for medication and food for the kittens at home. Slightly close to the evening, the robin and the ugly duckling wanted to go grocery shopping for food supplies at the nearby market.

And so the ugly duckling sighed and sighed...

What happens next?To be continued in "Dilemma Solved"

Homesick

Homesick... Grandma's feeling homesick now. She wants to go home tomorrow if possible. Her "golden child" couldn't get her plane ticket for her to go home because she hasn't got the time. It is up to "the ugly duckling" to make arrangements for the ticket. Since grandma is faraway in the Far-Off palace, the ugly duckling doesn't know how grandma feels about going home a day later than planned. And so, the ugly duckling set off with her sister the cygnet and her friend the robin to settle the matriarch's transportation home on the morrow's journey.

When the three of them arrived in town,the ugly duckling went to the counter only to be disappointed. The counters had to shut down because their computer system is down and it had affected every other purchasing booths as well. With another plan in mind,the ugly duckling and her group went home. Another disappointment greeted the ugly duckling when she tried to book a ticket online for grandma - it is not possible for her to book tickets which is not within 48 hours!

She sighed. The ugly duckling had finished all her resources on trying to book a ticket for grandma. She thinks hard. Finally, she only has one option left,and that is to make another trip into town and try to book a ticket for grandma to fly on Thursday since it is less than 24 hours till Wednesday. If the computer system is still down the next morning, the only option she could use is to get grandma a flight ticket on Friday morning...

What will happen next? Will the ugly duckling be able to purchase a ticket to fly on Thursday? Or will grandma be forced to take the morning flight on Friday?...

To be continued........

Of Fruitcakes and Fruit Loops...

Of fruitcakes and fruit loops... No-not those eatable kind. It's a fairly old expression to denote someone who's not quite sound in mind. What is the point of talking about another person's bad quality within earshot of the poor person. Isn't it the main goal to keep out of earshot when criticizing or gossiping about the other person?

I just don't understand why do they need to point out the person's flaws since they're the ones who's making the most obvious of all flaws. In fact,they're telling the whole world about their flaw for not being able to hold their tongue. The sad fact about this is they almost never talk about the goodness of other people. Even if among the circle of siblings, they talk incessantly - gossiping about others-and always within earshot of their children or those whom they're talking about. Talk about a bad environment for growing children. Isn't that a bad example to show to her own kids? Their kids might grow up thinking "Oh, its all right to talk about others within earshot of that person". And you know what? Ten years down the line the psychological damage has been done-her daughters resemble her characters frightfully. It would be slightly better if they're not so bad as their mother but it seems to me they're a lot worse.

Gossiping alone that's fine, but changing the real facts of the story just to pique the interest of others is SICK. I never want to say something which is personal in front of them lest they change the real version of the story into something scandalous. They can even forget about me inviting them to hang out with other cousins the next time around.

The last time we went out just to have a few round of drinks at a bistro and listening to a live band became a story of how one of us was shouting at the seaside and of me guzzling down beer. First of all, the first drink was vodka and orange. Then I had a glass of coke which she also had. The only person drinking a few rounds of beer was my male cousin that night. FYI, I don't drink beer. It ain't my taste. They can't even get their story right. For once in their miserable little insecure life I would like them to relate the real things that happen instead of manipulating things to degrade others. I know quite a number of things about them but I'd rather not say because the truth is only the real truth when it is confessed by its owner and not others.

I am Me...

I Am Who I Am...Just another face in the crowd, another driver on the road. Just like you, I have my own opinion on certain matters. Just like everybody else, I'm somebody who has hopes and dreams. Life ain't a fairytale nor is it a bed of roses...If it were a bed of roses, we'd all get pricked by thorns every now and then. That's just the way it is. That's life.