Rachel felt lifeless at work today. The sinking feeling of depression had finally taken control of her physical being, draining her of her energy. There should be a spring in her step today because her boss would not be in the office - business meeting in another district - but even that could not cheer her up. Instead, she felt a bitter resentment towards everything and almost everyone that she felt cynical about herself for being able to laugh at all the jokes her best friend was throwing at her while they chatted on MSN.
Her fingers tapped across the keyboard making out a fine line of words into sentences, and she closed her tired eyes for a moment. She could feel the tears starting to well in the back of her eyes, and ignored the bout of sadness in her. It had started this morning on the way returning from her daily errands of sending her sister to school and her mom to work. A silent thought suppressed in the back of her mind had taken her by surprise. You're twenty four this year, the voice in her head reminded her. Yeah, I know, she replied to herself. He's turning 29 at the end of this year, the voice said again. Rachel fell silent. Why is it so difficult to forget things that have never happened? We never went out with one another, and we definitely have never shared a laugh together. But why all this sadness?
The obsession is just a part of her memory of him. He had been the first wonderful person she had ever encountered. Alas, when she did finally get a chance to get to know him well enough, he was as cold as the frozen north. She wished she was wiser then to leave that high school girl crush behind and be mature enough to face the world. Face the world she did - but never to come to terms with her feelings she had for him back then. Now, it came back to haunt her and she actually cursed the day she met him in the room full of eager young music students in which they shared the same class only to find out again that he had been in the wrong class.
That was the end of the first meeting - no words spoken to each other, just a look and nothing more...
Rachel snapped back to reality and started to wander in the realm of her solace - the cyber world where she could find anything she wanted to and do almost whatever she wanted to as long as it's nothing illegal. Youtube...ugh...Hey wait, I've always wanted to look into that anime story, she muttered to herself. Opening up another tab, she typed into the search engine - Jackson Rathbone - and clicked on the header containing an interview with Gabrielle Long from Examiner, based in New York.
I hope this will hurt me more than when I think about Al - she stopped herself from completing his name in her mind. She takes one deep breath and started reading. The title of the article made her smile wryly. Jackson Rathbone talks women, cheating and how to seal the deal for a second date with him! Rachel gave out a small laugh. What the heck. Just for fun, she thinks to herself and starts reading...
He likes a woman who loves art, adventurous (breaking into a zoo after hours? seriously?), midnight jam at the beach with a bonfire and friends and whisky, and someone who's definitely NOT clingy. Jackson notices women who carries themselves well. Ideal first date being taking her out alone and back to his band's house for a jamming session (if she could jam with them). Thinks that cheating is out of the picture and wants sincerity and honesty in his relationships.
One sentence jumped out at her - "I won't even consider flirting with a woman unless she is completely single." There's more -
He likes a woman who stays true to herself, and thinks that the most important part in a relationship is sincerity, honesty and a healthy sexual attraction. Attracted to a woman's eyes and smiles - surprise, surprise. I said that too when I was fresh out of high school. WHOA!!! Likes natural looking women, but extremely attracted to punk rock looking girls. Last but not least - he has no special preference in women except for being "just right" in her height.
At the end of the article, Rachel felt that he is just simply too good to be true. She fits into all the categories that he described about his dream girl, but she cringed when she read that part about height. There was nothing she could do with her small frame and petite size. After all, aren't all Asian women petite with the body size of a fifteen year old? She guesses that Jackson's type only caters for American born women. There are many of us sincere women out there but no one ever notices us. That's how she knows these talks by some celebrities showing the perfect part of themselves are mostly bull-shenanigans! And she loathed them more...
